the rules

do not say i love you.
do not touch him.
be calm, be quiet, be patient and kind.
listen.
if you need to be alone, it's okay to be alone. it is okay to cry but don't let him see you crying.

don't let him see you give yourself shots. don't let him see you test yourself.
that is a part of your life he can no longer be a part of.

keep your composure, you don't have to smile all the time anymore.
be smart, but only contribute when appropriate.
do not talk about what happened.
do not talk about therapy. do not talk about medication or diabetes.
do not talk about the things you write.

do not talk about the things which scare you. that is many things, but do not talk about them.
don't look him in the eye unless he looks you in the eye. it is not being sheepish, it is being safe.
nod. agree. be sympathetic. be warm, but do not be close. he does not want you to be close.

do the things you need to do. you can leave if you have to. you can leave and you don't have to tell him where you go, only that when you get there that you are safe.

if she calls don't ask who called. never ask who calls. it doesn't matter.
if she wants to see him, let him decide what is right. don't say anything. don't be short or mean. let him make the decision because it is his life.
if she comes back to the apartment, excuse yourself. get food. take a shower. you may panic in the shower, but not once you have gone to sleep. excuse yourself and go to sleep.
if she stays the night, you may leave. pack your things and leave. don't leave a note. go. you may cry on the train but not before the train.

it is okay to stay quiet. to not say anything you think at all. its okay to tell him that you don't want to talk about anything. he tells you when he does not want to talk about things. it is okay because you are friends and he doesn't want you like that. he wants other people. it is okay to look at him blankly. it is okay to not be happy but it isn't okay for you to make him unhappy.

don't make him unhappy. don't say mean things. do not do mean things. he does not deserve that. you still love him and need to respect him.

he may able to keep you from being happy, but do not let him keep you from having fun.
drink and be safe. if you say something you didn't mean to, apologize once. ask for forgiveness once.
he may only give you that one more chance.

do not tell him that he is always with you
that at night you toss and turn
and look for a warmth that is something like his.
do not tell him that you are ready to go.