been off it

you been of it for a long time.
great.
makes me feel better
that i've got to take it.
that something is still really off in my brain
and that my pancreas doesn't work
and that i feel
like nothing works
in me anymore.

what i know

i'll write what i know.
if he isn't going to tell me the story,
i'll tell it myself.
i'll fill in the cracks with what i can.

a quilt

i was going to send
you a quilt
but you don't need it
anymore.
you moved to where
opening a window
will warm you.
a place where
there is time
to push blankets
to the floor
and dream wildly
supine and naked
tucked under nothing
but the stillness
of the night.

a chore

i feel like a chore.
i imagine
every couple of days he sits, bored at a bus stop
and thinks,
i guess now would be a good time to call.

waited

i've waited too long to do this. 

and it probably still won't work.